ZetaTalk: Speaking in Tongues
Note: written on May 15, 1997

A long running theme in Christianity is the fainting or babbling hysteria that on occasion overcomes nuns. Where other religious practices such as voodoo have an equivalent, such as the dancing frenzy that ends in a short coma, this is an activity and result that is deliberately encouraged. Christian frenzies are notable for appearing to be visited upon the faithful, as something they neither desired or encouraged, and most certainly not something they incited. The self, and the sexual inhibitions the Christian church often imposes, are precisely the source, however. Even religions as repressive as Islam have sexual outlets unthinkable in Christian doctrine.

• Christianity states that sex is wrong, per se, and should only be indulged in when self discipline breaks down.
• Masturbation, an utterly harmless and completely natural activity, is postured as a sin against nature.
• Those who must indulge are funneled into marriage, their only outlet, and then only a marriage blessed by the church.
• For Catholics, this is also a single marriage during a life time.
• Then there is the matter of contraception, where those Catholics who allow themselves to indulge in sex, in their proscribed single marriage in a lifetime, must also allow as many children as possible to result.
• And those who would side step these restrictions into homosexual alliances are damned to burn in hell!

These strictures mean that very few Christians, and in particular very few Catholics, will have any guilt free sexual outlet. All other outlets than a proper marriage with the single lifetime spouse without benefit of contraception bring with it all manner of baggage. The conflicts are endless, and the specter of burning in hell raised up for the mere thought of getting out of the bind. Thus, good Catholics try not to think about it, try to live a sex free life in spite of their hormones, and some go into the monasteries and nunneries hoping the environment will help them in this regard. It doesn’t, and then they are left with even fewer outlets for their sexual frustrations, as now they have the guilt of wanting to leave the priesthood or nun’s vows.

What results is silly behavior, the equivalent of the schizophrenic twiddling their fingers, aimless motions and random speech. Speaking in tongues or dancing in circles is nothing more than an outlet, the equivalent of a cold shower or long run but with some added benefits - the practitioner has an orgasm. The church allows this form of masturbation, giving oneself over into antics that incite an orgasm, as it is presented as religious fervor rather than what it is, sexual fervor. Bumping about, falling to the floor, pelvic thrusts, waving arms, extemporaneous cries of joy - take away the church setting and what do you see?

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